Welcome to Creating Your Happy Place! A podcast that explores how our spaces support (or sabotage) our happiness and make it easier (or harder) to reach our goals, then empowers you to do whatever it takes to get happy at home. 😊🏡

Is it time to set some boundaries with your home? Today we chat with hypnotherapist Iris Higgins about her happy home, and what kept her from having a happy home for the past several years. Plus we dive into the magic of hypnotherapy just a bit. {SPOILER ALERT} – Rebecca’s a fan! 😍

 

Guest Bio:

Iris Higgins, MA, CHt is a certified hypnotherapist, working primarily with women entrepreneurs. Multi-passionate, Iris got a master’s degree in psychology and was halfway through a second master’s in nutrition before she discovered a love of hypnotherapy. She has been working with clients virtually for the past 8 years, helping them to connect in with their highest selves and create the businesses of their dreams. She believes that we all have the answers within us; that sometimes we just need a little guidance to find them. You can find her website at www.irishiggins.com or Join her FREE 3-day guided meditation challenge to avoid business burnout and reconnect with your passion.

If you would rather read the episode than listen, we have provided a full transcription of the episode below. Enjoy!

 

 

Transcript

Rebecca:

Welcome to creating your happy place, a podcast that explores how our spaces support or sabotage our happiness, and then empowers you to do whatever it takes to get happy at home. I’m Rebecca West host of creating your happy place and author of the book happy starts at home. And I’m so glad you here today on today’s episode of creating your happy place. I am so excited to share with you a interview with a gal that I adore and love who helps people, women, specifically, women entrepreneurs succeed in business and find their own version of that whole very elusive work life balance. And she does it through hypnotherapy. If that sounds kind of woo. I used to think so too, but in full disclosure, this is my hypnotherapist. So I can tell you firsthand that it may be woo-woo, but it works like a charm. I am pleased to have with us here today- Iris Higgins

Rebecca:

Welcome Iris, how are you doing?

Iris:

I’m good. I’m so excited for your podcast.

Rebecca:

I’m excited to have you on here because when we work together, I go to some pretty crazy home spaces in my head. So I’m looking forward to talking about those mental homes that we have and also our physical homes and your experience of it. So for our listeners, I met you when I was considering getting remarried. That was about nine years ago. I knew that if I was going to succeed at marriage, number two, I needed to do some work on myself first. You and I met in a Toastmasters group when we were both learning more about speaking in public and stuff like that. And you had offered a free hypnotherapy session. I think it was at a local library and I was super intrigued and I figured, you know, group session in public, can’t be that scary.

Rebecca:

What the heck? So I, I showed up and from the first session I was totally hooked. I have never experienced somebody else’s work as a hypnotherapist, only yours. And so I cannot speak to it in therapy as a whole, but I have found our work to be very eye opening, spirit opening, calming. It keeps me out of my own head and it helps me find the answers that are already inside of me. I don’t know if that’s how you describe the therapy, but that’s been my experience. What would you say about it?

Iris:

I think you should just do my marketing! I mean, I’ve worked with a lot of different hypnotherapists, partly just to experience like how other therapists are trained. And most of the hypnotherapist I’ve worked with are very similar to how I do it. And it, you know, people think of hypnotherapy and they think of smoking cessation or weight loss. And of course there are people who do that and that’s a big money maker, but for me, hypnotherapy has always been really an Avenue into more spiritual, something where you don’t have to believe anything in particular, you can be an atheist. It doesn’t matter, but it still allows you to feel more spiritual and connected. That has certainly been my experience with it.

Rebecca:

Now we started our relationship working on that personal stuff. I was trying to get remarried and do it in a healthy way so that the second marriage would work. By the way everybody- seven years going strong. So apparently hypnotherapy works. But maybe it’s not entirely the therapy, but it helped me get my own stuff together. And then we transitioned to working on my business stuff. And so now it’s really about making sure that I am aligning my values with my business and making sure that my business is serving me and that I’m walking that balance between giving my business, all of my energy and love and attention and saving some of it for myself, my husband, the other parts of your life, that aren’t just your business. Iris works specifically with women entrepreneurs. Why did you choose to focus on that? What feeds you about that?

Iris:

I love working with women entrepreneurs because they are people who are just like go getters. If we work on something in a session, you’re going to go do it. And you not, not just you, but my clients, you all have that belief that like, if you’re an entrepreneur, you can go and change things. You can change the world, you can change your business, you can change your life. And I love working with people who really have that belief that we are the ones who are kind of like building our worlds.

Rebecca:

That’s awesome. And yeah, go getters. I would definitely put myself in the camp, but today, of course, we’re talking about homes, happy homes, cause this whole podcast is called creating your happy place. So you live in Prescott, Arizona in a brand new three bedroom apartment with your boyfriend and your two children. And I understand that you just moved into your new place. And it is a happy home for you, but that you spent the last several years in a space that was not necessarily your happy place. And since you help other women make choices for themselves, that help them be happier, can you tell us a little bit about what kept you stuck in a place that didn’t make you as happy and why the place you’re in now makes you so happy?

Iris:

Yeah, I mean, when we moved into this place, I was seven months pregnant. We had just moved from another state. It was very, it was very random actually how we moved to Arizona. I don’t know if you know this, but we met in Seattle many years ago. My boyfriend and I, and when I got on the plane to move to Seattle from New York, I had this weird feeling that I was supposed to be moving to Arizona. And I never thought about Arizona before. It just like came into my mind. And then I met him and found out he’s from Arizona. And so we ended up unhappy where we were. We had moved to Missouri, we were very unhappy and I got pregnant and I was like, okay, I think let’s just go to Arizona. And we picked, we kind of Googled looking for a college town and we found Prescott and just decided to go. So we arrived here. We found a place. I was seven months pregnant and we didn’t have a lot of money, but we had a lot of help from people. And so all of our furniture came from my boyfriend’s mom who lived two hours away. And she very kindly went to thrift stores and went to yard sales and just got us all a lot of furniture, which is great.

Iris:

And then we had a virtual baby shower. So my family and friends got us a bunch of stuff, but it was not cohesive at all. Like it was my boyfriend’s mom’s style plus my style. And it was this big mix and it didn’t fit in our apartment. It was all too big. It was very cluttered. So we just sort of started out our, our life as a family together in this very unconscious way. And there wasn’t a whole lot of thought about what my boyfriend needed in a happy space and what I needed at a happy space and how to make that work together.

Rebecca:

Do you guys have different needs in the space? Have you come to realize that over time? How would you describe it?

Iris:

Very different. So, yeah, so we’re both kind of anxious people, which is why I do a lot of fitness and we are both sensitive, but in different ways, I’m very sensitive to noise. I just feel very frantic inside when there’s loud noise. And I’ve been this way since I was a kid. And so he keeps his music quiet for me. He loves loud music, but he keeps it quiet. And he, he describes clutter as visual noise and says, that’s how it makes him feel like when he walks into the apartment and there’s kid clutter everywhere, he can’t think straight. And that doesn’t actually bother me. So we’re very opposite in that way. And then we also-

Rebecca:

I have a sensitivity to clutter, but you’re identifying different things.

Iris:

Right, right. Yeah. Physical clutter doesn’t really bother me. And I am more like, Oh, just let kids be kids. Like, there’s just going to be stuff everywhere. And he’s like, let’s teach our kids to clean up. So there’s that, there’s, there’s that. And, and we also just grew up very differently when it came to space. Like I grew up in a family in a family daycare, my mom was a daycare provider. So Monday through Friday, there were six kids under the age of three in our house. There were cribs in our bedrooms. Like there was toys everywhere. That’s just, that was normal. And he grew up, his mom actually used to work at a hotel. So she learned how to clean things, perfectly how to make a bed perfectly. And that’s what she taught her kids. Yeah. So finding that.

Rebecca:

So in the space where you just moved from, you had all of this inherited furniture, not a lot of intention to what was gathered together and not a lot of awareness of what the two of you needed in the, in the spaces. Now, how long did you live in that space for?

Iris:

Almost six years.

Rebecca:

Six years seems like maybe a long time to some people. What was it over those six years? I mean, did you develop some of the awareness of what you each needed, what you were craving? Did you try to make that space, a happier place for you to Succeed? What was that like?

Iris:

Yeah, no, we, I wouldn’t say we succeeded. I would say as we, as our family grew and we have a five year old now and a two year old, it just got harder. And it just got to the point where we knew there was no way to move the furniture around or it just wasn’t working. Like space-wise when we left, just to give you some insight, my bedroom, our bedroom had two full-sized mattresses on the floor because my two year old and I slept in one of them, we slept in that one. My boyfriend slept in the other one, our five year old slept in her own room. Cause she’s a really loud sleeper and we can’t sleep with her. And then my boyfriend’s giant desk was in the living room taking up the whole living room, like just everywhere we went. And the kitchen table was too big everywhere we went, we felt like we were in a Tetris game. You just had to move something around in order to get what you needed.

Rebecca:

Why does this new space, why is it so completely different? Cause it’s just more walls. Right? So how is it so different for you?

Iris:

Yeah, so we knew we were going to be moving for over a year. As soon as we saw the sign that they were building a new apartment, we called them and got on the list. So we’d been waiting and as we’d been waiting, we’d been planning and talking about like, what do we want in this space? I’d read your book and I’ve talked to you enough. So I actually, I made a Pinterest board and, and we, we took one of those online quizzes that tells you what your style is. And so supposedly his style was like modern, industrial and mine was coastal eclectic. So, you know, I went through Pinterest and kept looking for photos of homes and bedrooms and spaces that I liked and I thought he would like, and then I would show them to him and we cut out the ones he didn’t like and just be left with what we both liked. So there was just a lot more intentionality behind it. And a lot of like, what do we actually want in this space? What do we not want in this space? What feels good to you? What feels good to me? We had many discussions about color because I like jewel tones and he likes Earth tones.

Iris:

It was a big point of like, working through it, or making it work. And then the other thing was that in our old space, there just weren’t any boundaries. You know, the kids stuff was everywhere. Neither of us had our own space. We didn’t have separation from each other. We didn’t have separation from the kids. And in this new space, we both have an office where we can lock the door and just say like, mom’s working, dad’s working, you know, like right now the kids are with him in the kitchen. I can’t hear them. It’s wonderful. So boundaries are big right now

Rebecca:

As a hypnotherapist boundaries are a really big thing that you’re helping people work through. And I also imagine that there are relationships between humans, where you get past a point where you can repair boundaries like that. Or maybe, maybe you’re never past that moment, but it gets harder and harder and harder. And sometimes it’s easier to walk away and say, this isn’t worth my energy. I need to end my relationship and start a new chapter. So first of all, do you think that’s true and second, it sounds like that’s kind of what happened with the relationship with your old house and your new space. What do you think?

Iris:

Yeah, I have two answers for that. There were years where I kept trying to fix things in the apartment and my boyfriend kept saying, we just need to keep looking for a new apartment. And for me, it finally got to that point, there were, there were two things, but when we had another kid, it got to be too much. And then also when the downstairs neighbors started complaining about our kids, then it got to be too much. And that’s the other thing here is we’re on the ground floor and we very deliberately chose, like we’re going to be on the ground floor. We can have dance parties, no one will complain. Our kids can run around. So that’s huge. But yeah, I remember a session with a client who wanted to start a business and she was having a hard time just like making it happen.

Iris:

And when we got into the session, what she realized was that her boyfriend, who she lived with was also very anxious. And so he was very controlling about how the space was. And she realized that that was really making her feel stifled creatively. And so she couldn’t move forward. And that’s what she realized in our session actually, was that she needed to end that relationship in order for her to actually feel like she could move forward in other areas of her life.

Rebecca:

Do you find that that happens a lot where the obstacle is coming from an unexpected place?

Iris:

Yeah, because I was thinking about this earlier, like what you do in one place in your life is what you do everywhere. And our, I feel like our homes are just a microcosm of the greater picture. Right. So I believe that. So I think anytime someone comes to me, let’s say, and they want to work on boundaries in their business. We don’t usually end up spending a lot of time talking about boundaries with a client. We end up talking about, you know, what happened as a child when boundaries were crossed and how they responded to that and how that’s affected them as an adult.

Rebecca:

I know that when we have our sessions, I can’t tell you how many times, it gets really old, I go back to a very specific time in my childhood. And I’m like, this, this where this is coming from again, like, can I not get over this? But these things show up and they show up in ways where we’re like, this doesn’t have anything to do with the problem I’m having. And then you’re like, Oh, I guess it does. And then you kind-of clear out that garbage, whatever it is, or however, it’s tied to this particular thing you’re trying to grow in, in your life. And then you move forward. It gets kind of gets old, honestly. So speaking of hypnotherapy, when we work together, I know that I have gone to some very magical and interesting places. And I don’t know if it’s because I’m an interior designer that I am in some very specific spaces. I know that I specifically go to, so when we do hypno therapy, you’ll sometimes say, you’ll go to a retreat, a safe place, go to a place where you feel calm. Like you have various ways of saying things. And in my brain just takes me someplace. Like you don’t control it. You just say, go somewhere. And then you ask me where I’m at and why I’m there. And what’s there. So, like for example, end up in a tree house. It’s awesome. By the way, I really want to have this tree house someday. It’s 20 or 20 feet by 20 feet, octagonal shaped. It has a queen bed with a big fluffy, white duvet cover and occasionally a hammock inside too. And it’s just, there’s no windows, trees everywhere, birds everywhere. And then I have another place I go to. And that place, the tree house is one where I can go from place to place. It’s almost like a stopping point on journeying, right?

Rebecca:

There’s another place when I am tired of life. And I’m like, I can not handle humans. I cannot handle my to do list. I can handle myself. And in our sessions I will go to a little stone cottage and apparently in the middle of Germany, similar in Eastern Europe, not quite sure, surrounded by miles of snow, flat snow, all there is, is a stone cottage and this really old guy, who’s the caretaker. So I don’t have to do anything. And I sit on a fur rug by a fire and it’s so visceral. Like it’s, I’m really, really there. And it’s crazy. So my question is, in your normal work as a hypnotherapist, is this because I’m an interior designer or do a lot of people go and go back to places in their sessions?

Iris:

Both it’s both because you’re an interior designer. So yes. When I asked you to go somewhere, I know you’re going to describe it. Like you just did, you know? And I’m like, okay, this is, this is the interior designer in her, but I have other clients who are also creative clients who also describe like I can see what they’re seeing. And also little cottages are very common actually. I wonder because they feel simple. Yeah. I, well, for a lot of people, it’s a past life and they go into a little cottage. Most of my clients to be honest are like you, and they’re very visual. And I think that’s because it’s how I work best. So that’s who I end up working with, but I do have clients who I’ll say, you know, let me know what your safe space looks like or feels like. And they’ll say it’s warm. They feel that more than you see it. Yeah. So it’s just very, very different. I don’t have a lot of people for whom scent or sound seems to make a lot of difference, but it’s either a space that they really see or it’s a space that they feel like it’s, it feels relaxing. It feels warm.

Rebecca:

That’s super interesting. Yeah. So you mentioned both in hypnotherapy and in your life about your childhood homes and then your boyfriend’s child at home and how that really informs what happens as our, in our grownup lives. What rules do you feel like you thought used to be true when it came to creating a happy home or that your boyfriend thought used to be true when creating happy home that you’ve since discovered are not rules or were not serving you?

Iris:

You know what I think, and I wouldn’t, if you had told me, I thought this, I would have said no way like that, that doesn’t seem very feminist. But I think I had this rule that the woman had to set up the home. So when we moved into our old place, I did all of that. And not really with any input from him, like we had the furniture from his mom, but I was doing everything else. And that has been a really big difference in the new place because I’ve discovered, and we talked about this, that he is actually really good at interior design, which he gets from his mom who was also really good at it. And I actually, despite being a very visual person, I don’t have like inner maps in my head. Like I could live in the same town my whole life and I can’t give you directions. And it’s the same in a space. If you say, Oh, you know, I’m going to have this here in that there

Iris:

Like, I can’t see it in my head. So in this new space, like we were having this hard time figuring out how we wanted the bedroom to look. And I kept saying, well, I want it to be light and airy, like at a beach. But I also want it to be like really intense and bright colors. And, you know, there’s two very different feelings. And I finally just said, you know, you always say you want one thing. And then when you set it up, that way you don’t like it. Why don’t you just tell me what you like? And I’ll set it up. Cause I have a vision and being very controlling, I was like, what if I don’t like it? What’s your vision? And he told me his vision and it was like exactly what I want because he’s been listening. And after that, I was like, nevermind, you just do the interior design. I don’t care.

Iris:

And that was a huge relief for me. Cause I actually, like, I don’t like setting up places. I would hire an interior designer if they could.

Rebecca:

So it reminds me of a book that I love, it used to be called spouse genomics. And now it’s called, ‘it’s not you It’s the dishes”. And it’s an economic approach to relationships. Are you familiar with it? It’s marvelous is one of my top two relationship books. And it’s really about division of labor, which is what economics is and letting the people who are good at certain things do those certain things. So instead of both of you being like, we will both clean the kitchen when one person’s good at it or even enjoys it and the other person’s garbage at it and doesn’t enjoy it. Like let the person who’s bad at it take out the garbage, you know, they will remember to do it in the other person forgets and let the other person cleaned up the kitchen.

Rebecca:

So the idea of whether you’re hiring a professional or just navigating your relationship, letting the people who are good at and have interest in doing something, do it and letting yourself be free to do the things that you have interest in or are good at.

Iris:

Actually, since we moved in, as he has taken over cleaning the bathrooms and actually this is the first time we’ve lived in a place with two bathrooms, which is nice. But when he said that he was like, you know what? These bathrooms are brand new. They’re easy to clean. I don’t mind I’ll do it. I was like, okay. That’s like husband of the year award right there. Right?

Rebecca:

Well, and you mentioned earlier and interesting word control, right? Some of us are overwhelmed by our home duties or our life duties. Not because anybody else putting them on us, but because we put them on ourselves and in part, because we think nobody else can do it as well as we can, or because we do have these rules about who’s supposed to do what and, and it’s a hard balance to walk, right. Because if you’re going to watch your husband clean a bathroom and then you’re, the whole time going, he’s doing it wrong, he’s doing it wrong. He’s doing it wrong. Like that’s not kind to him. Iyou should either just do it yourself or you should back off. Right. So in addition to the division of labor, you have to then allow your employee or your spouse or your child or whomever you’ve given permission to take over something. You have to give them the room to do so then after that. Yeah.

Iris:

Yeah. That’s definitely been another learning lesson for us as well.

Rebecca:

And I’m guessing control aside from obstacles controls, another thing you probably see a lot in your hypnotherapy sessions with your clients trying to let it go navigate it.

Iris:

Yeah. I would say, yeah, it feels like boundaries is probably the biggest one. Letting go is always, is always huge too. Especially if my client has employees cause being able to delegate and let your employees do their jobs is very hard.

Rebecca:

And it’s a balance to have that communication that earlier part of like, well, what are you good at? What are my expectations? Let’s make sure we’re on the same page. Let me just make sure you know, what your job is and what my job is so that we can do them effectively. And not stepping on each other, either as co co employees co-sponsors or as an employer employee relationship, right? Because most bad communication comes from miscommunication. Most people are not going in and trying to be nefarious or mean-spirited or evil. They just are working off of different information in their heads. So do you think then that our home spaces are connected with our sense of wellbeing and our sense of self in general?

Iris:

Yes. I mean, I think that’s an unequivocal. Yes. If you have a space that feels really good to you and also helps you to do the things that you want to do, you’re gonna feel better. I mean, as an example, in our old space I can’t remember the last time I saw my boyfriend workout. Like when we met in Seattle, like he was doing P90X. Have you heard of that? He would definitely, he liked to work out. He just stopped. And I think within two weeks of moving in here, he suddenly one day pulled out the P90X and was like, I’m going to do the yoga. It’s like an hour and a half long yoga thing. And it was so nice to see that to be like, Oh, when we have this space, people will take care of themselves better.

Rebecca:

Yeah. I love that you said that because my book is divided into sections kind of based on like what the goals we have for our life are. So being wanting to be physically fit, wanting to be financially fit, wanting to have better relationships, like that’s the kind of the way the chapters are divided. And I really do believe that you can take any new year’s resolution and then turn that around and go if this is the goal I’ve set for myself, how is my home either getting in the way? Cause I don’t have a place to work out that, that I want to go into or whatever, or I like the entry closet. So crammed full of stuff that I can’t even find my tennis shoes, or how is it supporting me? So you obviously there’s, there’s the neutral line of like, make sure it’s not getting in the way, but then maybe try and elevate that. Like how can it help me? So getting in the way would be an elliptical that’s covered with clothes. Right. But helping, you might be putting the elliptical in a place that has a window and has some light where you’re like, I actually would like to be in this space. Any goal we have, the home can be seen through those, those lenses. I’m so excited he’s working out because that feels fantastic.

Iris:

We wanted the kids to be able to lay out their trains and play. We want to have dance parties to love them. I, you know, I can’t usually meditate if I’m with the kids, but I remember getting up one morning and I came out and I put the TV on, but didn’t have a TV in the old place. And put on a YouTube meditation video that was just like, you know, scrolling through nice pictures of the woods and lakes and things. And so my kids woke up and I was able to keep meditating because they were just like, Oh, what’s this pretty picture? I’m just going to keep sitting here and relax.

Rebecca:

You know, that’s such a simple tool that you’re talking about, something that we all have TV, for example, you mentioned that when you first moved to Arizona, you didn’t have a lot of money. You were, you know, building things from scratch. So what advice would you give to somebody about creating a happy home when money feels like an obstacle?

Iris:

I think it would be the same advice for anybody, which is, again, going back to that idea that what we do in one area is what we do in any area. So what you’re doing in your home might be also what you’re doing with your money. And I think you can look at patterns in your own life that you’re playing out over and over that aren’t serving you. And so in your new space, trying to consciously disrupt those patterns. So like if you know that you don’t have good boundaries, making sure that your new space like has a place that’s just for you, that’s like, this is mom’s space or this is whatever my space. I think it’s just about disrupting old patterns.

Rebecca:

Yeah. I love that because one of the things, so we’re filming this right now, we’re taping this right now in the time of COVID right. And so everybody has had their habits disrupted and it’s kind of an opportunity. So moving to a new house is an opportunity moving to a new city as an opportunity. Having to work from home is an opportunity, but only if we’re intentional about making it an opportunity, because we have an opportunity, a moment where our habits are disrupted and we get to build new ones. And if we can, no matter what happened in the past, like don’t judge yourself for the habits you use to say, okay, since this is a version of a clean slate, and that can happen from something as simple as I have two bedrooms, I’m going to start sleeping in the other one. Like there’s no rule you have to sleep in the master bedroom, right. Or I’m going to just turn my bed and have it facing on a new wall, tiny little adjustments in our physical space, force us to go off of autopilot and onto, oh, I have to walk around this chair now. And that changes your flow through a space. So big or little disruptions, give you a moment to wipe that slate, clean and set a new habit and a new intention around what you’re doing with your life, much less your space. And that doesn’t, that’s not related to money at all. That’s just going, I’m gonna, change things up with what I’ve got and I’m going to create some new habits.

Iris:

And I think so many people are seeing that right now. Like it’s, this quarantine has allowed people to look at what is working in their lives and what’s not working in their lives. And of course, and like it’s happening on the small scale in our homes, it’s happening on the biggest scale politically, we see it everywhere, you know, what’s working. What’s not.

Rebecca:

And then it goes back to the very, very first thing you really were talking about was which was intention, right? So you didn’t set up your first place with intention, but you did set up this new place with intention, having learned some lessons. And that was, you know, my story of when I got divorced and I painted my ceiling black and that one wall, horrible turquoise faux finished blue, and it was already next to a bright green wall. Like these were bad things, but it was so bad and I didn’t do it with intention. I was just like, this is a little paint. I’m going to paint the walls with it. Cause I’m tired of looking at my divorce house, but it was so bad that it forced me kind of like the hamster runing all over the place and forced me to go. I can’t live like this forever.

Rebecca:

So what, how am I going to live in stead and really be thoughtful about it? So if anybody can take anything away from my stories, it’d be like, try to avoid the step we went through of doing it really crappily. If you can, and just move into doing it with a lot of intention. But equally, if you find yourself making horrible design decisions or horrible life decisions know that you get a redo, you really do get a redo. It’s nothing is set in stone. Even if you tile your walls bad, you can still, literally nothing’s set in stone in life. Life is long and you’re going to get more opportunities. So be gentle. Give yourself grace. Is there anything you’d want to leave our listeners with in terms of advice for creating their happy place that you haven’t already shared?

Iris:

Advice for creating a happy place aside from yes. Be intentional. And just thinking about who is going to be in that happy place, you know, is it just going to be you? Is it going to be you and family, friends? I have a client actually who lives with a family member and they’re both home a lot. And so I think they they’re both introverts too. So they’re in each other’s energy space a lot. And you know, if she were thinking about it intentionally before she started to kind of set things up, what I would say is like making sure that they both have their spaces. So, and for us, you know, now with the four of us, we really had to think about all of our energy and you know, I’m an introvert. I need my closet office. I need a place I can go. And my boyfriend is also kind of an introvert. He needs his space. He can go. And my kids they’re five-year-olds and extroverts. So for her sharing a room with her two year old now is great. Like she never wants to be alone. She at least has her sister, if we can’t be with her at all times, just thinking about the other people in the space and like trying to make sure it’s a happy space for everybody.

Rebecca:

And I’d add to that to make sure you’re not trying to create the happy place for them that you want. Right. So just because you’re thinking, Oh, I need an office. So my partner must need an office that may or may not be true. Right. Let’s say you’re introverted and they’re extroverted. You can give them the most, you know, amazing office ever. And they’re still going to work from the kitchen counter because they need to be in the social space. And so if you don’t check your assumptions, you could create some, you could make some very expensive mistakes and also feel a little bitter about, I gave you this office and now you don’t even use it. Right. Especially if it was the office you wanted and then you’re trying to be nice. And then you gave them the better office, like, yeah. Oh my gosh, spiral. Right. So when you’re thinking about your partners, think about what they need, ask them what they need rather than giving them what you need.

Rebecca:

So Iris where can people find you if they believe me and think that you are amazing and would like to try out your services?

Iris:

My website is Irishiggins.com. And you can also email me at iris@irishiggins.com.

Rebecca:

And I know that you have,ua couple of free opp opportunities out there. You have a meditation, I think on your website that they can download to try out your very soothing voice. And you have a Patreon account for people who need to access you at a more budget friendly level. Uand one of the things I don’t think I mentioned, but people should know, I still live in Seattle. You live in Arizona and we still have our sessions and they’re all by phone. So you don’t have to live in Arizona to work with Iris. I just put my phone on my, on my couch next to me. I laid down, I have earbuds and I’m just all zenned out and it’s pretty cool too. Cause then while I’m balling, cause yeah, I mean, sometimes I cry. It happens. It’s not Iris’ fault. Nobody’s looking at me!

Rebecca:

I’m so glad you were my guest here today. Thank you so much for sharing some of your home story with us. And to my listeners. I am so glad you are here today. I hope you enjoyed this episode of creating your happy place and that you do feel a little bit more empowered and encouraged to make your home, your happy place and that you have some new tools in your toolbox for making that happen. If you do feel a little stuck, please do check out my book, Happy Starts at Home. It is full of exercises to help you figure out what you need from your home and why you’re not getting it. And if you had a specific design dilemma that you just need some practical advice on you can actually have virtual consults with my team at Seriously Happy Homes. You can find out about that at seriouslyhappyhomes.com, All the links and all the things will be in our show notes so that you have access to these resources whenever and wherever you need them until then. And until next time and no matter where you call home, I hope that it is your happy place. Bye for now.

 

MAY YOUR HOME ALWAYS BE HAPPY!